Free to Choose
You know, sometimes other things take priority over blog posts and I miss you guys. But it’s also a calming realization that I choose where and how I spend my time and what my priorities are. Yep, my kids were more important and needed me more. And there were other people who needed help right away. And I chose to do it that way.
Freedom to choose is a big deal for me. Otherwise I’d feel trapped. Ever feel like that? I slave away over dishes and dinners and taking care of kids and church work and I have to do all these things or I’m a bad person. I can’t take this imposed guilt anymore! It’s really liberating to look at it another way:
“Hey, I chose this. I chose traditional marriage, I chose my partner, I chose to have kids, I choose to raise them myself, I choose who and when I help outside the home, and I choose to do lots of other things on the side. But whenever I feel like it, I can and will also choose to take a soothing bath, read a great book, or say no when I’m already busy. I choose.”
I’m just so not a victim, here.
There are plenty of things we can’t control in life. This is not a post about control. I can’t control the weather or the tornado that went right over our house last night. I can’t control how my kids will decide to react when faced with decisions (although I hope to heaven that I influence their choice). I can’t control how anyone else will treat me, and sometimes it isn’t nice. Sometimes I can’t control my own body and it betrays me. (There are lots of people with physical challenges that feel this way.) I can’t control the past and I can’t force the future to be what I want it to be.
BUT…
I can choose (and control) how I act in the weather. Am I prepared for bad weather? Do I know what steps I can take or do I panic? I can control the rules in my home and how I prepare and train my children for the choices they will likely face. I can control what I do and say and think when people aren’t nice. And even though I may not be able to control my body all the time, there are plenty of choices I can make about my physical body that help, and I can choose how I’m going to react to disappointments. I can choose to let my past hold me ransom, or I can choose to take responsibility for the Now and choose to walk a better way than others have. I can choose what kind of person I will be and get closer to my goal by preparing now. And in that way, the future kind of affects the past, rewriting what’s been done without erasing it and creating a past (the Now that will be the Past) that’s better than it would have been if I had remained a victim.
I just went off the deep end, but there are some really interesting theories out there. Someday I’ll share with you all the intellectual stuff that keeps me up wondering at night.
What do you think? Are you trapped and desperate, or are you free and calm? What’s your take on choices?
I think you have nailed it. We can’t choose all things that happen to us or the ones we love, but we can choose how we will react. Our reactions will often set off many ripples that will affect many things later on.
I’ve found that it is best to look at how things are a blessing in disguise. When viewing things with an outlook of gratitude, everything looks a little rosier.
This post makes me think of 2 things:
#1 is that when I am out in public with my children I refuse to look stressed hasseled or worn out. When people comment on the number of kids I have, I brightly say, “Yes! and we have so much fun together!” with a big smile. Suddenly people are so much more positive about how many kids I have–instead of saying “Oh, you must be so tired/busy/mentally challenged, don’t you know what causes that?”
I have been being very careful recently to make sure that I am a Mother, not a martyr. I clean the house because I want it clean, not because my husband will get upset if it’s dirty or because of what other people think.
My new mantra when I can’t take it anymore and I am going to become a screaming nut is : Smile, Take a breath, And Relax ( “I am safe, Keep breathing, I can handle this.”)
check out Becky Bailey Conscious Discipline.com. She says we have to discipline ourselves before we can discipline our kids. So True. She has 2 books that I just love. “easy to love, difficult to discipline” and “I Love You Rituals”
Rebecca, I needed to see your comment today! lol. I am safe, keep breathing, I can handle this! You said a lot that I liked here. And what a great thing for your kids to see, that when people say they are a burden, you respond with enthusiasm and love for them. You stick up for them.
And you really DO have fun together.
great post, I too really believe in making choices and the freedom to react to what’s thrown at us. I do think sometimes my choices trap me but really when I feel like that I need to remind myself that I chose this path and it’s mostly great and I can just push through the parts that are hard